🔗 Share this article

Experiencing refusal, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is saying no, giving a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started submitting manuscripts half a century past, upon completing my studies. Since then, I have had several works turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous pieces. Over the past 20 years, concentrating on personal essays, the rejections have grown more frequent. On average, I receive a setback frequently—amounting to more than 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials over my career run into thousands. Today, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Not at all. As, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished This?

For perspective: By this stage, nearly everyone and others has said no. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

A case in point: not long ago, a publication turned down 20 pieces consecutively before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 book publishers declined my memoir proposal before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents declined a nonfiction book proposal. One editor even asked that I send articles less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, each denial hurt. I felt attacked. I believed my creation being rejected, but who I am.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. How could this happen? How could they be overlook my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the mistake? This must be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? It’s nonsense and the magazine is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Stories of authors whose books was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. Because they managed to persevere, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. Many US presidents over the recent history had previously lost races. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and desire to star were turned down numerous times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to rouse me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, as I reached my senior age, I achieved the last step of rejection. Understanding. Today, I better understand the multiple factors why a publisher says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a like work, or be planning one in the pipeline, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is not appealing. Or the reader thinks I am not qualified or standing to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the content I am offering. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my submission too quickly to see its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are always out of your hands.

Within Control

Some aspects are within it. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and impact, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Or something about my grammar, especially semicolons, was unacceptable.

The key is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was 51, another, a autobiography, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have appeared in magazines major and minor, in diverse platforms. My first op-ed ran decades ago—and I have now submitted to many places for 50 years.

Still, no blockbusters, no book signings at major stores, no features on talk shows, no speeches, no book awards, no accolades, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more readily accept rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the blows of my setbacks. I can now be reflective about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be educational, but when you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What lessons have I acquired?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What